if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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