And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
