"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
