Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
