last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
