Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
