he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
