i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
