Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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