I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
