I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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