we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
