I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
