apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
