You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
and you fell through a lawn chair
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
