I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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