I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
