I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
