And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
