Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
