Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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