I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
