let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
