booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
