i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
