1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
