I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
