I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
