the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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