I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think weed is turning my hair brown
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
