Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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