she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
