I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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