O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
