just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
