I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
