I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
