DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
