Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
