We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Watching her eat just hurts me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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