You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
