very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
