so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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