I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
