So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
