Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A+ Viking dick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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