Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
