Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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