My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
