just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
