My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
