dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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