youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
