Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
