Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
