I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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