Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
