it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
