Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We have started to decorate penises.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
