That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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