i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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