I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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