good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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