im drinking this country out of the recession.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
