I need to stop coming to work sober
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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