Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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