i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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